coming from a place of no
Coming from a place of βnoβ means defaulting to βnoβ as an answer. βNoβ is easy. βNoβ means no changes, taking it easy, life as usual.
Ex 1: The Hermit
When your friends ask you to go to a new place with them and you immediately think of your long to-do list, or that you would have to stay out a little later than youβd like, or that it might be noisy. You are already thinking about how to say NO.
Ex 2: The Future Fashionista
You look at the nicer clothes in your closet and bypass them for something βcomfyβ because βyouβll start dressing nicer when you lose 5 poundsβ. You go to Target in your sweat pants and feel like a bum. You end up buying too much because you donβt feel great about anything. You get home, put your new junk in the closet with your nice clothes and close the door. NO.
Ex 3: Only in your dreams
You see some pictures of a far-away land that look so beautiful you gasp. Youβd love to go there. What a dream! But itβs so far, and probably costs a lot. You think, βif I ever win the lotteryβ¦β then you scroll past. The truth is, you donβt even play the lottery. Youβve already decided not to go to this place that would fill your soul with wonder and delight. NO.
Ex 4: Business Schmisness
Youβve always wanted to start your own business. But it seems hard. And you donβt know how to start. You donβt have any extra money or time. Forget it. Itβs for other people. NO.
When "NO" is your go-to answer
You could be using βnoβ as a way out of:
- making a conscious choice (itβs work!)
- making a change (what if itβs bad?)
- trying hard at something (this wonβt be fun!)
- being uncomfortable (who likes that?)
but what you might also be opting out of is:
- having fun
- accomplishing goals
- life-changing travel
- new experiences
- leveling up your life
The difference between setting boundaries and building walls
Setting boundaries: Saying no to things that will steal your time, your soul, your energy, your money, etcβ¦ thatβs setting boundaries. When Becky comes to you asking if you want to be PTA president this year, and you know that is not for you, itβs ok to come from a place of NOOOOOOO.
Building walls: Defaulting to βnoβ without thinking it through, thatβs building walls; walls against change, against new experiences, attaining goals, and pretty much doing anything new.Β
Making Conscious Choices - Coming from a Place of βYesβ
Have you ever heard the quote, βLife is the C between B and D.β It was said by French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre and yes, I had to Google that because I donβt sit around storing philosophy quotes in my brain, but I do find it to be entirely true. It means:
Life is the βChoiceβ between βBirthβ and βDeathβ.Β
Too often, people simply let life happen to them. Instead of making deliberate choices, they just wait and see how everything shakes out. By not making the choices, they are making a choice to do nothing. When you do nothing, nothing happens. You eventually become nothing. Choices are necessary to craft your life.
Oh, no one told you that you have to craft your life?
Donβt worry, no one told me that either.Β I only discovered it through many years of not choosing anything. Iβd take whatever job would hire me. Iβd live wherever someone found a house and invited me to come along. Everyone else seemed to be getting somewhere in their lives. Everyone was moving ahead. I was watching them all pass me by and I couldnβt figure out why nothing was happening for meβ¦ and that was exactly the problem. Things don’t happen for you, you make them happen through conscious choices.
Coming from a place of "yes"
Saying βyesβ is a choice. It demands action. It means something is going to change.
Letβs revisit our examples and come from a place of βyesβ this time:
Β
Ex 1: The Friend Connector
Your friends ask you to go to a new place with them and you think βIβve never gone there before. I wonder what new food I could try. I think it would be healthy for me to laugh with friends tonight instead of watching my tv show. I didnβt really want to dress up and get ready but it wouldnβt be too hard to do.β
You go with them and return home tired, but happy, and loved. You are reminded that you have such great friends. Yes.
Ex 2: The Feel-Good Fashionista
You look at the nicer clothes in your closet and think, βwhy not?β even though youβre only going to Target. Youβve been meaning to lose 5 pounds, but wouldnβt you look and feel better if you wore that outfit that fits pretty good right now? As you stroll the aisles, you are looking cute and feeling good. A woman stops you to compliment your style. A worker tells you she really likes your blouse. You realize you donβt need any extra clothes right now because you have many more like the ones youβre already wearing. You buy your laundry detergent that you came for and return home feeling productive, efficient, stylish, and smart. Yes.
Ex 3: The Adventurous Planner
You see some pictures of a far-away land that look so beautiful you gasp. Youβd love to go there. What a dream! Youβve never really traveled before but you Google how much flights are, and where to stay for cheap. Over the next week youβve read a few articles on how to travel on a budget. You decide you could save that amount of money within a year if you put away a bit of your paycheck every month. You save up.
Β Next summer youβre in Bora Bora and you will never be the same. You have built memories that will last your entire life. Yes.
Ex 4: The Slow-growing Success
Youβve always wanted to start your own business. But it seems hard. Of course it is, but after some research you see that you can start small by selling a product you make out of your home to your friends, then eventually your neighbors. Pretty soon others are asking and youβve made enough money to rent an office and scale up. After a while you can quit your other job and sell your product in stores across the city. You work hard but itβs still better than going to that office job that you didnβt like. Youβre an inspiration to your kids and your family. It wasnβt easy. In fact, it was probably the most difficult thing youβve ever done, but youβre so glad youβre here and your kids also see that itβs possible for them. Yes.
Choice
Youβve got plenty of time between birth and death, and maybe youβve wasted some of it by letting life choose for you, but you have plenty of life left for choosing. This life is yours. Choose your way through it. Try choosing βyesβ.