is it a secret?
We can all think of a few classic examples of what a man does when he’s going through a “midlife crisis”, but what exactly is a woman’s midlife crisis?
Why isn’t anyone talking about it from a woman’s point of view?
It is really a crisis?
And what is midlife anymore?
What Is Midlife?
Well I suppose you can base that off of:
1. How long you can guess you’ll live
2. The average life expectancy for a woman in your country then divide by two
3. The average middle point of a series of usual life events
Since there are no guarantees you’ll get to live any amount of years, all of these are just a guess at best. From what I’ve seen, the questioning of one’s life path can happen at almost any point after childhood, but the kind of questioning that comes with regret over your life not being what you wanted accompanied with a sense of being “trapped”, that’s where the “crisis” comes in. That usually happens somewhere between “adult” and “older adult”.
it's not for everyone
Not everyone goes through this transition period. Some people are perfectly happy with how things turned out for them. That’s great and we should all be happy for them. But those people can go read another article. Bye!
If you’re feeling me, read on…
A woman's crisis is quiet
Let’s think about the classic example of the man with the sports car and running off with the secretary. We might call that a crisis because it’s so loud and in your face. He’s left his family! Look at that car! He’s dying his hair! Look at him golfing with his new girlfriend while his ex-wife is at home still raising their kids! He wants to feel young again and he’s very obvious about it. It really does feel like a crisis…for everyone except him and his new friend.
When a woman begins questioning her own path, it’s a much quieter deal. She might think of how she always thought she’d be a respected editor, living in New York by now, or should have lived in Europe when she had the chance, or studied engineering, or taken that artistic job instead of the office.
She’s settled for some things along the way and while she’s not happy about it, she’s also more likely to quietly resign herself due to her family obligations, lack of individual financial security, or feeling too old to start anything new (I’ve had more than one 50 year old woman tell me, “Who would want to date after 40? UGH!”)
She doesn’t necessarily want to be young again, but she does want to LIVE. If she does decide to do something about it, it doesn’t feel so much like a crisis, but more like a midlife renegotiation, or rebirth.
Let’s redefine “midlife crisis” for women = The Rebirth
Because a woman’s worth is tied to her youthful beauty more often than a man’s, her crisis can feel insurmountable, because no amount of creams, serums or plastic surgery can truly bring back her youth. It can cause a sense of panic, as if you’re hanging on to something with your fingernails yet it’s constantly and persistently escaping you.
In order for a woman to enjoy her second half of her life, she must detach from any notion of her worth being determined by her youth. Sometimes detaching from this notion feels painful, like a self-death and you actually feel like you’re in mourning. But don’t hang out there too long, get ready because you’re about to be reborn.
You’re reborn into a new life where your worth comes entirely from your actions, your compassion, your interests, your abilities. Once you can get past the loss of your youthful looks and sink your fingernails into this delicious new life, where you can worry less about your looks and more about how you feel and what you do, it’s actually a huge relief.
Who are you now?
Gone are the expectations that you smile for other people’s comfort. Gone are the days of wearing painful high heels because it’s expected. Gone are the creepy men hitting on you in supermarkets. Gone are the bad hair days that feel like they are ruining your life. Gone are the insecurities, the doubts, the worrying what other people think. Gone Gone Gone! Relief!
Not feeling relieved yet?
And if you’re not there yet, if you’re struggling with your falling face, or boobs, or butt, notice that you’re mostly worried about your outsides. It’s time to take a deeper look inside:
- Are you filling your social calendar with great friendships?
- Are you finding ways of being generous and giving back to the world?
- Are you improving your knowledge base by reading or learning something new?
- Are you focused on eating healthy so that you feel great?
- If you have trouble finding friends, are you joining groups, classes, and/or clubs?
- Are you spending time in nature?
If you are doing any handful of these, you will find yourself thinking less and less about your youth of yore.
Your New Priorities
No one should be expected to stay the same for their entire lives. Just think of all the things you’d miss out on if you had to commit to being the same person you were at 21. We should be expected to change and grow. Why is there such a stigma against making big changes to a life that is not suiting you? This is not a crisis. This is your opportunity.
