Here you are, at 40, 45, 50, you’ve given the past 10-20 years of your life to raising your family or to your job and somewhere along the way you’ve… lost yourself. You’re keenly aware that you’re not living your best life but don’t even know how to start getting there. You miss the energetic, excited person you used to be. You think about the hobbies that you used to enjoy but somehow simply stopped doing along the way. You don’t even like any of the clothes in your closet. Everything feels Blah. Who are you now? What is it that you really want? What kind of career would truly suit you best? Let’s talk about some ways to UnBlah Yourself.
The Bottom Floor
Let’s get down to the bottom of it. Think of yourself as a building. You’re only as solid as your foundation, so what is your foundation made of? Your foundation is an internal list of the things that you need to feel happy, and when the items on your list are things that you actually have, your foundation becomes filled up and strong. If most of the items on your list are missing from your current life, your foundation crumbles in spots, sags in others, letting the building above tilt and break. Let’s attempt to fill in the cracks… with a list.
The Happy List
I would like you to create a physical, handwritten list of things that make you truly happy. (Printable below) When you begin to fill out your list, let yourself be free to write without judgement. Don’t write what you think you should write, write what you truly feel deeply in your guts. No one will see this list but you so don’t think about what others would want to see on it. Don’t think about who or what should be on the list. Be honest. Be brutally honest. What do you really want and need?
You’ll be surprised at some of the choices that make it onto the list, and you’ll be shocked at some things that you spend most of your time on that don’t make the list at all. It’s very important that you be truly honest with yourself when you write your list.
You’ve got your list, let’s look it over. Since I can’t see your list I’ll give you some examples of what my friends would put on their Happy Lists:
Example “Happy List”
dinner parties
1-3 friends that love me for who I am
a life partner who proactively cares for me
peace
to feel I have a purpose
laughing with my friends on a regular basis
enough money to feel at ease
a job I really love
days at the beach
an organized house
matcha lattes
solo trips to Target
a car that is relatively new, works well, looks good and is safe
This is a collection of items from various people’s lists but I’m sure you find some common ground with one or, inexplicably, all of the entries. Now go through your own list and put a checkmark next to the happy entries that you currently have. Circle the ones you don’t have. The circled ones will become your UnBlah List.
The UnBlah List
Woo boy. There it is in front of your face. All the things you deeply desire and don’t have. Don’t sit too long worrying about the lack of them, because we are going to start fixing this. Start with the low-hanging, easiest to grab fruit: What is on your list that would be the easiest to fix?
Sit for a moment, close your eyes and imagine you doing the activity or having the item. Really sit in the moment, feel it and believe you deserve it and will have it. Open your eyes. Now let’s work backwards to find out what’s standing between you and having that wonderful feeling every day.
Break Down Your Barriers
Think about what one would require in order to acquire these things on your UnBlah List. Is it time? Money? Energy? Breaking out of your comfort zones?
Time
How do you carve out more time? Where is all your time going? Investigate what is keeping you from what you seek. It may be obligations to others, too much tv watching, or a demanding job that is sucking you dry. Choices must be made so you can carve out a few hours a week for accomplishing “happy list goals”.
Money
Is it money? These days, side hustles are everywhere. You can easily pick up a side job that you can do from home, or while driving around. Or maybe you need to make a bigger change like getting training in a new field and switching careers completely. This requires some digging and honesty with yourself and then some work to get where you want to be.
Energy
Is it energy? At the end of the day you’re all used up with nothing left to give. Maybe you’re also low on vitamins or dealing with chronic pain, or lack of sleep. How can you scrape up the energy to work toward these things you say that you need to be happy? Is there a solution you haven’t tried?
Maybe it turns out that what you want doesn’t actually require any extra energy, but rather, you could reduce some of your current obligations that don’t really matter to you anymore. Try taking a hard look at where your energy is going and see if you can try something new to solve it.
Comfort Zones
Are you scared to get out of your comfort zone and make changes? In this case, it’s you that’s standing in your own way. Enlist a friend you can confide in. Tell them your intention to have the item on your list and ask if they will support you. Having a partner check up on your progress can really help when the problem actually is only fear.
Fear is real. Fear is difficult. But fear is a feeling that is based on the unknown, and if you think about it, do we really ever know what’s going to happen next? Not really. Not even when we simply drive to the store can we guarantee we get there, or that we’ll get what we need, or that we’ll make it home, yet you never fear going to the store! Don’t let fear keep you from aiming for what will make you happy.
The To-Do list
On the right hand side of your Happy List is your To-Do List. Write down a few ways in which you could work toward tearing down the barriers that keep you from what would make you happy. Just a few. Daily, take small steps toward solving one thing at a time. Every day try one small thing that gets you closer to your dreams. Don’t worry about how long it will take. It’s the effort that counts. It’s not a race, it’s a journey.
Good luck, you’re on the road to UnBlah-ing Yourself and thus, your entire life.
