Your face has always been your calling card. It’s the first thing people see when they meet you. It’s how people interact with and remember you, so you’re damn right it’s important. Current problem: You’re over 40 and now your face is looking…”different”.
You start pulling your cheeks up and back when you look in the mirror, and then you’re disappointed when you let go.
Where did all this eyelid skin come from?
Good heavens, whose neck is this? Who let this neck in here?!
Here’s the good news: No one who is blessed with a long life can escape the “changes” so you’re not alone. Sure, there are surgeries for this very problem, and sure you can shell out for it if you like, but I’m not here to tell you how to do that. I’m here to tell you how you can deal with it. Some of the ways to deal have to do with routine and the others are mental. Here are 10 things you can do to deal with your aging face.
#1 Ask yourself: Who Are You?
Let your cheek relax for a second. Have you ever really asked yourself this question? I bet your answers have more to do with what you do rather than what you look like. YOU are the one who learns, chooses, has ideas, loves, plays, laughs with friends, cooks, etc. YOU are not your body. YOU are not your face. Your body is just the vehicle you’re driving around in. Your face is just the front door. No matter how your body or face changes, no one can ever change the fact that you’re funny, generous, know a lot about books, or can cook some kickass tacos. No wrinkle can stop you from being a boss. No jowl can take away your years of experience and knowledge. No elevens can keep you from being a wonderful and interesting friend.
It might at first seem cheesy or out of character for you, but try writing down three things you love about yourself that have nothing to do with how you look. Then write down three things other people love about you. If you need a little push, print out my free worksheet below. Don’t feel you have to keep it hanging around after you fill it out, but just fill it out. Get the words out of your head and onto paper. Make it something tangible, something you can see. See that’s it’s real. Know that it’s real.
#2 What Does It Mean to Be “Attractive”?
Being considered attractive is a surprisingly deceptive topic. Even the most physically youthful, symmetrical, and fit person is not considered truly attractive if they are cruel or boring, so that means being “attractive” actually has nothing to do with looks.
So what is “attractive”? It literally means – “to attract”, “to draw in”. Some lovely synonyms are: allure, captivate, charm, enchant, and fascinate. None of these things have anything to do with wrinkles but they have everything to do with being interesting, charming, charismatic, or engaging. Luckily, these things are under your control and they do not age.
I’ve seen women in their 60s and 70s who smile because they are deeply happy with themselves and want to share it with others and they are among the most attractive people I’ve ever met. I’m finding more and more that “attractive” has loads more to do with personality, energy, and human connection than it has to do with youth.
If you’re worried about a potential partner who would stop finding you attractive after your skin is a little looser, maybe you’re seeking out the wrong kind of partner (or already have one). Suppose someone is interested in you only for the tightness of your skin… Now that’s weird! If you make a habit of showing off what you love about yourself, the people who love those things too will find you.
#3 Set Your Look and Forget It
My advice: in good lighting, do your makeup thoughtfully and with care until you’re happy enough with what you see, then stay away from mirrors (minus the check-in here and there for a lipstick retouch or tooth check). Instead, concentrate on the things you do out in the world, the things you make, the things you can say, the people you love, …and it doesn’t hurt to keep moisturizing.
#4 Skin Care
Yes skincare matters now even after you might have ignored it for most of your life. A nighttime routine of proper cleansing and moisturizing will make a difference in how you look and how your skin feels. Don’t go thinking you’ve missed the boat. It’s always a good time to take better care of yourself because you deserve care.
Cosmetics:
Do not underestimate the power of cream cosmetics and primer! If you don’t know where to start, take a trip to Ulta or Sephora and have someone guide you. If you’ve lived through the 90s as a young lady and you haven’t figured out how to deal with what’s left of your eyebrows, there are people there who can help you with that too! Filling in your eyebrows can make a huge difference in how you look and see yourself.
“Where did all this eyelid skin come from?
Good heavens, whose neck is this? Who let this neck in here?!”
#5 understanding sexiness
Oh friend, are you worried you won’t be sexy once your jowls starting peeking through? Well guess what? Sexy is not and never was about physical beauty. What?! That’s right. I’m sure you can think of at least a few very sexy women that most people don’t even think are classically beautiful. Think of the characteristics that make them sexy: attitude, exciting ideas, confidence. When you can give up on the thought that sexiness is a hot body, or perfect young skin, you can start to realize that sexiness is a more of a lifestyle. Mid-life is a perfect time to start being more bold with your personality, clothes, and ideas. The interesting mates and friends will come along if you are being interesting yourself, and honestly, even if they don’t, you’ll still have much, much more fun than the people at home crying in the mirror. Facts.
#6 It's ok to hide some things
If you can’t stand seeing your forehead wrinkles but you’re Botox-averse like me, you could always consider talking to your hairstylist about getting some bangs. One of my friends likes to call it Bangtox. Voila! Where did those wrinkles go? Nobody knows!
Crepey eye skin or bags suddenly fade to the background when you wear glasses. New frames are much cheaper than they used to be (Warby Parker, Zenni, GlassesUSA, etc. Just Google “cheap glasses frames”), but I must say that when you invest in a nice, high-end pair of glasses with interesting style, it’s worth it. Especially if you need bifocals or special lenses. Find some interesting frames that suit you and you’ll see that people are far more excited about your cool glasses than they ever were about your under eye area anyhow.
A cute little scarf either hides or distracts from any “neck issues”. Any scarf you’re going to wear on your body must fulfill these requirements:
- a good fabric that will feel nice on your skin (you can’t beat silk for softness and lightness).
- a beautiful print that looks or feels like art to you
- it must be the right shape and size, otherwise you’ll be messing with it all day.
Wow! Where did my neck go? Nobody knows. Problems solved.
#7 Accessorize (Look! Something shiny!)
Ok so you’re taking care of your skin and wearing some light makeup, but the aging part really is out of your hands. So what’s within your control? You need a new focus. Where’s your new focal point? How about a new, modern hairstyle or a beautiful necklace? Interesting earrings can change the entire vibe of your look. Stop thinking of your face as the accessory and start thinking about colors, shapes, and style. Everyone appreciates a strong sense of style. If you’re not sure where to start, Pinterest is a great website for checking out all sorts of looks. You can follow my boards HERE.
If you’re so inclined you can check out my handmade jewelry Etsy store here: www.etsy.com/shop/haelixdesigns
My Curated Lists of Classic Everyday Accessories
Earring picks: https://a.co/62aPRS6
#8 Reset Your Priorities
When you get down to it, yes everyone would love to have full lips and smoother skin again, but we’d be fighting an uphill battle to attain these things. Unless we are willing to commit to spending tons of money, and the time and pain to recover, these things are out of our control. You’d be running on a treadmill of dread (a dreadmill?) for the rest of your life. We must reset our priorities and expectations to things that are under our control if we’re going to be truly happy. Here are some things you can focus on that will take up all of your time so you won’t have any left to think about jowls.
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Maintaining good health so you can feel great every day.- Being or becoming an interesting conversationalist by reading a bit every day.
- Being a thoughtful and present friend – nothing is more fulfilling than true friendship.
- Travel internationally or even just locally. You can always learn something and enhance your life by talking to new people.
- Cultivate habits to be organized and in control of your life and things.
- Developing a strong body so that you’ll feel great and your clothes will feel better.
- Keeping yourself neat and smelling great so people are always ready and willing to hug you.
- Get a pet. The constant love and adoration a pet provides is simply amazing.
#9 Add Color or Interesting Design
Wearing bright colors isn’t for everyone, but adding an element or two that is eye-catching can really liven things up and show your personality. How about a bright purse or shoes or a jacket in an interesting shape? Be more creative in your daily choices. People will notice. People will compliment you out of nowhere. You’ll feel awesome and brave. You’ll wonder why you didn’t do this sooner.
If you’re looking to create a more fun or different look, build yourself a Pinterest board of all the cool ideas you find. You can check the box to make it a secret board if you don’t want the world to see what you’re up to. Soon you will see a pattern in the pins you are saving. Maybe it’s a certain color or general clothing shape. Start developing a Pinterest board of these things that you love. Follow your own lead when you go shopping by looking at these pictures in your board. Only buy things that fit within this guide that you’ve created. It doesn’t have to cost much to get some new and interesting items Check out my post on thrift store shopping HERE or click below.
#10 Graduate to “Baddie” Level
Once you fully realize that you can attract the right people with your lovely personality and interesting conversation, and that sexiness is a lifestyle, and that mirrors are no fun, and that clothes and accessories are the key to standing out, you are on your way. When you choose to be the boss of your life, you’re now a Baddie. Baddies let other’s opinions roll off their backs. Baddies have great friends because they are interesting and loving people. Baddies are smiling because they truly love who they’ve become over these many years. Throw yourself a graduation party. Come on Baddie, let’s get going on your second act. (Follow this Pinterest board to see my collection of inspiring Baddies)
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